Oh, So You Want Idris Then

So You Want Idris Then GraphicI recently asked my single Facebook friends to share their top three deal breakers when it comes to finding the “right” mate. The responses came pouring in. Some were straight-to-the-point, some comedic and others, well, interesting to say the least.

From among the pool of comments, a few caught my attention; particularly the deal breakers that addressed appearance. One person wrote that their potential future mate had to be “eye candy.” Basically, their point was related to the need to be attracted to their mate. Point taken.

In my mind, I’m thinking, So, you want Idris Elba then?! Let’s face it. Idris, yes, is a good-looking dude, right ladies? He’s famous. Rich. A movie star. He fits the tall, dark and handsome criteria so many of you crave. Just kidding about the craving. (But you know!) I think it’s the English accent. I guess Idris visually represents some women’s ideal mate, at least from a visual standpoint. Wait a minute. Didn’t the woman in the movie Obsessed think so too.

Okay. Okay. All jokes aside. Let’s address this eye candy business.

According to Collins English Dictionaryeye candy is defined as:

1. a person who is or people considered highly attractive to look at, often implying that they are but lacking in intelligence or depth
2. something intended to be attractive to the eye without being demanding or contributing anything essential

Another source defines this popular phrase in slang term as “someone or something that is visually attractive or pleasing but usually lacks worth or merit.”

I don’t know about you, but this opened my eyes.

Regardless of your personal take on having an eye-candy-mate, I’d like to share three key things to consider when choosing a mate.

1. Look beyond the surface.

No doubt you may have heard the saying, “Looks can be deceiving.” Don’t lose sight of this age-old wisdom. Look for a mate who has depth and substance below the surface. Remember, cute doesn’t last always. Beauty is skin deep.

2. Look for evidence of good character 

There is nothing greater than a man or woman with good character. Character is that intangible substance that drives a person to live with integrity and morals. It’s the foundation of a life worth being a part of. Character, I’ve heard said, is doing what’s right simply because it’s right. I’ll take character over gorgeous any day.

3. Look for stability

No one wants a person whose life is like a seesaw: one minute they’re up and the next minute they’re down. They have no ambition or drive. They don’t have steady employment. The list goes on. We all want to be connected to stable people. Stability gives us the assurance that no matter what we encounter together as a couple, our mutual stability will help us pull through.

I hope you enjoyed this post. What would you add to this list? Your feedback is welcomed.

As always,

Stay Focused. Keep Moving. Never Go Back. Trust God!

Mr. Focused

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