The Egosexual Man
The other day while working on my book project, Sexually Pure or Purely Sexual: You Decide, a term came to mind: egosexual. Of course you won’t find it in any dictionary…yet.
You have no doubt heard the terms “heterosexual,” “homosexual,” “asexual,” and “metro sexual” before. So then what does the term I coined egosexual mean?
An egosexual is a person who indulges in what I also term ego sex: “the act of engaging in sexual intercourse, whether heterosexual or homosexual, primarily for the purpose of boasting or massaging one’s ego.”
An egosexual man is the guy who sleeps around with a bunch of women (or men) to prove his “manhood” or self-worth. He’s the 48 year-old who dies his hair jet black to hide the gray, wears muscle shirts and sports a pseudo swagger at night clubs to catch a date for a one-night stand. A true ladies man, right?
He’s the misguided teenage boy who gets a kick out of kissing and telling, bragging about what he did to this girl, and that girl, and oh, that one too; and how many times he’s done “it.”
From youth, a lot of men are taught that conquering women sexually is a craft. Get a woman in bed, and you’re the man! Some guys are taught that if they haven’t had sex by a certain age, then something must be wrong. Talk about pressure.
So, ladies, you can’t blame the egosexual for his mentality about women and sex. That’s simply his sexual indoctrination. I do, however, fault the guy who refuses to change; the guy who leaves women drained emotionally. I also fault all the silly women who see the red flags a mile away, but choose to put up with the mess. (This is an entirely different subject, one I’ll deal with in my book later.)
Sex Drive 110mph
One of the working chapter titles for Sexually Pure or Purely Sexual is “Sex Drive 110mph.” In that chapter I plan to explore a man’s sex drive, and why some guys break the speed limit, if you know what I mean. As I’ve stated before, the egosexual guy is pressured early on to hop in the driver’s seat of sex, and floor it…pedal to the metal!
I believe in some cases, the egosexual male is a guy who has low self-esteem. I feel sorry for this kind of man. He’s weak and insecure beneath his machismo. He, like many of us who have dealt with insecurities, simply needs a change of mind and a change of heart.
I know what it is to hide your true brokenness. But hiding never solves the problem.
Regardless of your religious subscription, I can only attribute my change to the connection I have to God. He knew my dirt and loved me enough to show me how to be cleansed. Like a son who stole his dad’s car in the middle of the night and wrecked it, I went to Him to make it right. It put the car keys back in His hand, and asked Him to drive from now on. Maybe you should too.